Learn To Love Life

Again, this post is mostly for me. It kind of just helps to get my thoughts out of my head and talk to myself as if I was giving someone else a pep talk. It’s hard to hype yourself up, but it’s always easy to hype someone else up.

A few days ago, my girlfriend asked me why I hadn’t posted to this blog in a while. I said that I felt like I had been failing. In response, she pulled up my last post titled “Not Failing.” And damn did I need a reminder that sometimes I’m in my own head too much.

A lot has happened to push me down, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. I want to talk about the things that have lifted me up even when I don’t notice. When I’m so surrounded with my own thoughts of gloom and doom, it’s hard to pay attention to the sun that is trying to shine through. I block it out. Much to my girlfriend’s irritation. So here is going to be a deep dive into my mind to let the sunshine in.

A few weeks ago, I deleted all social media from my phone. I feel like that is a big win that I haven’t acknowledged. I spend much less time on my phone. Because of this, I have had SOOOOOO much time to read. At first it was an escape. Things around me weren’t going well, so I could go live in another world. But, now it’s just fun and relaxing. I dive into the books because I love the story, not because I don’t love what’s happening around me. And while it’s not going great at the moment, this is definitely a win.

Let’s also celebrate the fact that for the first time in years, the eating disorder voice in my head (her name is Brittany and she’s a skinny blonde bitch who hates food (sorry to all Brittanys in the world)) has been silenced for months now. Whenever it creeps back up, I’m easily able to banish her.

I used to think that I wasn’t meant to have good mental health. Because every time that I started to feel better, something else popped up. But really it didn’t pop up. Just now that something worse isn’t cloaking it, I am allowed to feel my feelings. And feeling your feelings isn’t a bad thing. If anyone ever says otherwise, they are full of shit and maybe they would be kinder if they felt their own feelings.

I’m not exactly starting from scratch because I’ve made progress. But progress isn’t linear. I am starting fresh. It might be hard to keep doing this, but if I don’t do a reset, I don’t make progress. I just continue downhill. But each time that I start over, I make just a little bit more progress. I’m slowly climbing the mountain. I’m slowly putting my life together in a way that is making me love it. I am starting to love every part of my life, even the hard parts.

So here’s to starting fresh…again. Because that’s what I need.

Live Love Life, Yvie